It’s been more than a minute since my first blog post, the one that was supposed to catapult me out of the old, tired, same story, same excuses as always.  Simply put, I am afraid of what will happen if I am successful.  

After my first blog I had scheduled myself to write every Sunday morning and then life got in the way; I had to work at my husband’s restaurant, I turned on the boob tube and got addicted to a new Sunday morning football show (by the way, so good – NFL Network, NFL GameDay Morning), I got Covid and that was 10 days of hell and then another two weeks of struggles. The holidays came and when you’re in the hospitality business it’s game on!

And throughout the time I contracted to Covid to today I just haven’t been doing life the way I do it.  I haven’t been to the gym or yoga; I’ve only hiked three times and spending time outdoors has been basically non-existent.  But I think the worst thing is that I haven’t gotten out of bed early, like I usually do.  I like to get my days started no later than 5:30, usually 5:00.  Instead, I’ve been in bed until almost 8:00 somedays and as far as I’m concerned the day is half over by then! So why bother getting started if the day is almost over.  I’m not saying I’ve done nothing but I most certainly haven’t done most things the way I like to.

So, here I sit overlooking the beautiful view from my dining room table.  Wondering why am I continuing to make excuses, why am I continuing to cast doubt on myself?  I come to the same inevitable conclusion.  I’m afraid to be successful. 

What happens if I’m successful?  I have to keep being successful – I can’t make any mistakes or bad decisions – I have to be “on” at all times – I have to be out in the world for all to see me leading by example.  All of these things are falsehoods!

To be successful I need to do the following things. 

I need to:

  • get up each morning bright and early
  • start with my devotionals (for without Him I am nothing)
  • spend 5 minutes with myself with one minute each of deep-breathing exercises throughout the day
  • get outdoors for at least 20 minutes a day
  • 30-60 minutes of physical movement
  • nourish my body properly
  • stay hydrated
  • understand that each day is a gift and I need to unwrap it daily
  • understand that I am harder on myself than anyone else will ever be
  • show empathy and compassion for the world around me
  • stay focused (make a list and check it off – old school, but it works for me)
  • be thankful for my husband and my fur babies (show them love with lots of petting and kisses – husband, dog, and cats – lol)
  • give thanks for ALL of the second chances I’ve been given
  • and last but not least, live a life that honors my Zachary so that I can make him proud and his untimely death be not in vain

This is my list and no, it’s not a New Years Resolution list.  This is a list of how I was living prior to November 21, I just didn’t realize it until I started writing today. I was living a successful life, I was doing the things (and sometimes more) that needed to be done. I was looking forward, really looking forward for the first time in years. 

I let a few things get in my way for the last six weeks (some legit, some just excuses).  The key is that I recognize it and am not afraid to start again.  There is no failure in starting again. 

Success, my friends, is starting as many times as you need to.